When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my poor anus
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
