Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"

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(416): View more from Ontario

she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes

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(514): View more from Quebec

you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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(203): View more from Connecticut

its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin

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(541): View more from Oregon

Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

(1-541): View more from Oregon

You're welcome.

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(845): View more from New York

officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.

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(914): View more from New York

I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero

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(304): View more from West Virginia

It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.

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