I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
