Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Quick, to the slutcave!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
