just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize