youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
