I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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