Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
