3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
