i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
