Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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