Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
