aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My bed smells like the plague
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
