I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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