you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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