you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
