Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
