nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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