I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
