Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
