Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
FUCK WHALES
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
