WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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