East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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