I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
