We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
