Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize