Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need a beard to bite.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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