I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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