happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
