I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
