yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
