I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
