i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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