Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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