I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
