I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
