You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
