You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drake has all the answers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
