no. you can't hotbox the world.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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