Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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