you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
