just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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