Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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