I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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