no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
