I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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