Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
