for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
