I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
