I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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