I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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