I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
whose ass print is on the piano?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
