There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
