i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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