I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
