And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
