I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
where am i from again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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