She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
