420 ftw
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
