i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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