did you get engaged???
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
