Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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