your parents love me but you hate me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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